you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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