have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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