I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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