How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
