I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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