Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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