i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He felt like a one man threesome
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
