but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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