Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
