She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
