we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i need some magic done to my vagina
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
