I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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