Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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