he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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