Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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