but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
