how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
