hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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