I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I did not marry a roomba.
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