When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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