the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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