Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
