Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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