This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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