He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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