theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
