Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
