i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
