no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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