Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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