I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
