oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
