i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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