i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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