i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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