Are we in a gay sports bar?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
