How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
