just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
