just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
