Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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