i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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