shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i've created a new STD.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
