I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
