i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
