Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
