pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
