Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
