nut hugger
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
