This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
