dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its about making memories worth repressing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
