i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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