Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
