North Korea, Best Korea!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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