I just pynch a tree in the face
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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