The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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