Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
