Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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