How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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