just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
